🌋💜 SCOTCH PLAINS, NJ: THE CRAYONS HAVE FORMED A GOVERNMENT AND IT IS GOING POORLY. 💜🌋
Breaking updates from inside the situation:
🖍️ The crayons now have a cabinet. Blue is Secretary of Snacks. Nobody trusts Burnt Sienna.
🦆 A rubber duck has applied for asylum.
🧁 A sentient cupcake is demanding a recount.
🐓 A chicken has been seen wearing a tiny tie. We have not asked questions.
The crayons have issued one final decree, and we quote: “BRING US A BEHAVIOR TECHNICIAN OR BRING US NOTHING.” 📜
That someone is YOU. 👀 The vote was unanimous (the chicken abstained).
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💸 THE MONEY PART (PLEASE LIE DOWN ON THE FLOOR) 💸
$22-$30 AN HOUR!!!
Your wallet has left the building. 🏃💨
Your bank account is doing cartwheels. 🤸
Your landlord just sent you a fruit basket. 🧺
Your couch: “Are we still friends?” 🛋️
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🛸 TOP-SECRET MISSION BRIEFING:
📍 Location: Scotch Plains, NJ (the crayons insist it’s “the capital”)
💜 Position: Behavior Technician / ABA Para
⏰ Hours: After-school sessions
🎯 Mission: 1-on-1 with an awesome kid, aka the best part of your day
🌈 Known side effects: Making a REAL difference
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☣️ OFFICIAL HAZMAT-LEVEL WARNING ☣️
Doctors are baffled. This job may cause:
😁 Smiling so hard your face files a complaint
💃 Spontaneous happy dances in public places
🏗️ Screaming “AMAZING JOB!!!” at a block tower (it earned it)
🎲 Taking board games so seriously a referee may be required
🦖 Roaring at nothing. Just roaring. Totally normal.
🫧 Sudden, lifelong loyalty to bubbles
Side effects are permanent. No refunds. The chicken has your information. 😂
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🎪 WHY YOU’LL LOVE IT (THE CRAYONS HAVE PREPARED A PRESENTATION)
✨ Zero cubicles. Zero spreadsheets. Zero sad desk lunches. Zero “per my last email.”
🧸 Help a child learn, grow, and build awesome new skills
💜 Do something that genuinely matters
🏆 Celebrate every tiny win like breaking news (interrupt the broadcast! a kid stacked three blocks!)
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🧐 ARE YOU OUR PERSON? TAKE THE QUIZ.
🌟 Love kids? INCREDIBLE.
🌟 Patient, dependable, and willing to learn? THE CRAYONS ARE WEEPING.
🌟 Have ABA experience or an RBT certification? BONUS POINTS. CONFETTI CANNON. FIREWORKS. A SMALL PARADE. 🎊🎆
🌟 Can make a ridiculous noise on command? Go ahead. We’ll wait. You’re hired. 🤪
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⏳ WE’RE FILLING THIS SPOT ASAP!
(Not panic mode. Not chaos mode. Not “the chicken is in charge” mode. Just enthusiastic mode.) 💪💜
📣 DON’T JUST SCROLL PAST YOUR NEXT FAVORITE JOB.
The crayons are watching. 👁️🖍️ So is the chicken. 🐓
📩 MESSAGE ME TODAY and let’s see if you’re the missing piece of our puzzle! 🧩
💜 SCOTCH PLAINS, LET’S FIND OUR PERSON! 💜
P.S. If you read this whole thing, you’ve already passed the first interview. The chicken would like to schedule your second one. 🏅🐓😂